discomposer | golden peacock inbox

( Ikko. Normally, everyone calls him Esi, or all sort of nicknames starting with Prince. This is nicer, he thinks? New, refreshing. Alright. )

Yes, magic is like that entirely. Is it possible to have something in common when they're two separate things, I wonder? It sounds like you understand that sort of mindset, after all.

You're right about him, too. The love he showed, though... Is it love, then? I guess that adds up to what he was telling me about it.

These Watches are difficult to type on when there's so much to say. Would you like to meet in person, perhaps? I've seen your cute face, so it's only fair if you see mine, right?

sure, i'm back in my usual suite, just come up. it's at [ location, though then he keeps yapping as knights members have to do. ]

it was probably love for both of us. hiyo worries about people a lot, especially with magi being gone and other stuff. i wouldn't bother accusing him of it to his face, though, because he'd just deny it to his grave. or he'd admit it and that would be awkward!

are they two separate things? if something matters more to you than reason, if it's the first language you speak even though your parents and countrymen spoke another one, if it's the language your thoughts and dreams are written in, doesn't it really fucking suck that no one else understands it at the level you're speaking it? if i could speak entirely in measure and annotation and crescendo i would, and maybe people would even get the things i'm saying if they could only hear it.

( normally, he might nitpick and fight that he doesn't think Hiyori has love for him, that he doesn't think anyone can. but thankfully, this rant on music, or magic, or passion, is so deeply distracting that he can't think about anything else.

because it sounds a little insane, because it sounds so entirely relatable, because the text surely isn't enough to get it across. that feeling. )

It's something I chase endlessly, even when my body wants to give out along the way, or the people around me find it a waste of time, or unusual, or gross.

Maybe it is the same, then...

If you don't mind, I can come over in just ten minutes.

[ If he hasn't caught on yet, Esikko should probably realize that Leo is, in fact, a little bit insane. Hiyori probably downplayed that? Or maybe he was honest about it. It's not like Leo does normal well or for long periods of time. ]

then it's the same. even bleeding out on the ground with bone sticking out, i thought it would make a beautiful melody and used the ink of my own body to write it before i could forget.

[ As an example, he says weird fucking shit like this! Wow. ]

see ya soon, ikko! ☆

( they can be insane together. (: this insanity was most certainly downplayed, but it's a nice surprise, he thinks. it makes sense, to him, in the ways that matter. in the ways that don't, it's fun.

but he always does love when things like blood are mentioned.

he arrives in around ten minutes, as promised, dressed in a sweater and slacks, a red scarf tied loosely around his neck. his hair is a soft pink, straightened mostly out from his usual waves, though the snow in the vale and gardens has caused it to begin curling at the ends again.

he stands, tall and proper as any prince is expected to be, and knocks firmly against the center of the door, waiting. )

[ Nice to know Hiyori was out there trying to make Leo sound even halfway sane and then Leo immediately undid all his efforts? Presumably that's how it went. What did Hiyori expect, though, honestly. Liking blood being mentioned is a plus when speaking to any member of Knights and Hiyori has bitched about that before when Leo goes off on one of his more wartorn tangents.

Prim and proper, neatly styled. That isn't what opens the door because that isn't what Leo is. Even on stage his hair is always messily tied back, and his uniform worn casually. Here, without Sena living in his space and nagging about what he's wearing or not, Leo has reverted to his usual ways.

That is to say when he opens the door and peers up at Esikko, because a quick check says Esikko is 5'11" and Leo is all of 5'6", Leo's dressed far more casually. Worn in jeans with an ink stain trailing from the pocket down the leg a bit from an uncapped marker a while back, a t-shirt rumpled from being stored poorly that's mostly worn for being soft rather than fashion.

Behind him there's even more chaos. His room, a 10 suite, is decently laid out but there's also paper nearly everywhere. Pinned to the walls, occasionally on the floor, all over every surface. All of it covered in Leo's music, organized not at all to anyone else's eyes. ]

Why'd you decide on pink? It's a Shu-like color, how nostalgic. [ "Hello" is skipped entirely. ]

( The immediate impression is enough to startle a laugh right out of Esikko. It's refreshing, to have someone so plainly themselves in a way that doesn't make him want to barf— this short little knight is the epitome of a free presence, the opposite of just about everything in his palace life. )

Oh, you're so little~

( His voice, his laugh, since Leo surely cares, is low and smooth, but with a bright quality that can shine through in the lifts of phrases, a playful sort of curve that he manages to wind into his words. A hand lifts, pale and thin, to wind around one of his own pink locks. )

My father hated it, and I wanted to look more like a flower, I suppose. Something most find delicate or fragile, even when in truth they're resilient and full of many uses. ( Gardening, he'll find quickly, goes hand in hand with his magic, and hand in hand with his passion. It's easy enough to see in the way his eyes sparkle as he helps himself to nudging inside without even asking for an invitation.

Honestly, his 2 suite was this messy until someone else cleaned it for him, filled with plants and supplies for magic... Now, as an Ace, it's staff he relies on for cleaning. )

Doesn't it suit me? I'm naturally a rather pale blonde, but I feel that only makes me look more like a corpse, you know?

( It stands out, like the red marks beneath his eyes, like the way he holds himself, already leaning in to peer at some of the music on the walls. He reaches up to hook his fingers into his own scarf, but he holds off on removing it just yet. )

Leo, right? Nice to meet you.

I already knew you had pale blond hair without dye. Hiyo didn't say the color, but he said you resembled Tenshi a lot as a kid, so I figured it was the same.

[ Being called little doesn't phase him - Sena and Naru and Rittsu are all taller, as are many of the other ES idols - Hiyori and Jun included - and Leo barely gives it any thought.

When Esikko is inside Leo closes the door, following along absently as he examines the same sheet of music and then cants his gaze sideways. ]

Tsukinaga Leo, of Knights. I dunno what Hiyo said about me, but that doesn't matter too much.

[ Or rather, Leo doesn't care too much about it. ]

What he wanted would work. You've got a pretty voice. ♪

( A pretty voice... It's funny, that he doesn't usually get direct compliments like that, so the flattery immediately earns a pleased little laugh, eyes flicking away from the music and back to Leo. )

Tsukinaga Leo. Even your name sounds like music. I'm not very fond of my full one; there are far too many parts to it, and it's clunky. Anssi Esikko Kielo Bloemrose, crown Prince of Berceuse. I think "Ikko" is so cute, you know? Everyone else always calls me Prince this, or Prince that...

( Hmm, but what was it that Hiyori said... )

He said you're cute, but that you stay in your suite all day, get lost easily, and that you're terribly lonely.

( not very flattering... )

But, you know, I'm not sure I know what you're referencing about him wanting with my voice?

( He wanted him to make friends, and he got the implication of sex there, but what does his voice have to do with it...? )

I'm not gonna remember all that.

[ Actually, he's not even going to remember MOST of that. "Ikko" is about what he's gonna remember name wise, and the rest is going to just disappear. Leo tilts his head to the side, considering. He IS usually in his suite when Hiyori contacts him, he guesses. ]

I'm trying to figure it out. [ He's ignoring the question for the moment, studying Esikko with his full attention - contemplative for now, searching. ] Hiyo gave it out like a warning label. He got all freaked out about something else I said, so if he thought it was completely accurate he wouldn't have given out your name.

[ Probably.

None of that makes any sense to anyone not in Leo's train of thought, does it? ]

The second option I couldn't pass through him. Hey, would it have worked? That song was one I wrote when I felt like I do when my suit goes haywire, but maybe a little less bad. The one I wrote to make the people I treasure above all else so mad they'd kill me, the one that was meant to tear apart what I loved and give them a shining path forward.

[ He decided passing that through Hiyori would have gotten him in trouble. ]

Are you so thorny that would've been your language, or are you nicer than that? I wanna know.

( Hmm. He's not bothered by the name not being remembered, not bothered that it sounds like he's eavesdropping on this guy's stream of consciousness rambles, but somehow, the topic is veering into something he hadn't thought would come up with... idols. Or is he wrong, to be understanding it that way? )

Hiyori is a little like a sun that doesn't want to accept it's ever covered by clouds, hm?

( No acknowledgement or desire to dwell on darker things, darker thoughts... So Hiyori doesn't actually know all of Esikko. He's been struggling with that for some time now, struggling to find more people that could ever understand how he feels, his extreme emotions, his over the top dealing with them—

But he's a little hesitant to share all of himself right out the gate, too. )

Do you? Plenty of people say that. ( that they want to know him. ) But do you mean it, I wonder? Or is there an answer that would have you turn away?

Well, I'd like to hear what you'd prefer, of the two. Or, perhaps... what you'd guess.

Nah, there's nothing like that.

[ Calmly, casually, easily. He'd been pissed off at Eichi for a while but Leo couldn't hold the grudge forever. It's "Tenshi" again and he's back to being friendly, not that he was ever great at sticking to not. Sena's cold and sharp and maybe that hurt like hell when he was seventeen but he's not anymore and Leo chose that every day.

His lips quirk up in a smile that is nevertheless a little manic. It's genuine, though. ]

Hiyo described three people. Something about a cute girl idol and a prince with cat ears and a tail. Then he said the third prince was like Tenshi, and it was a warning, but I don't think he'd have said it at all if he didn't think it was only in the nicer ways. But I don't know that you can be like Tenshi in only nice ways and really be like him enough Hiyo would notice and say so.

[ He could be wrong, but Leo hasn't decided if he is yet or not. He doesn't know if it matters. Whatever the truth is, it'll be interesting, won't it? ]

Hiyo's an idol first and foremost. So is Nami. I'm not like either of them - I'm an idol second and a composer first. What I prefer isn't pretty words or harsh ones. I want the honest things - it doesn't matter if those things are soothing and gentle or if they cut me sharp enough to kill. No one is all one thing or the other anyway - but I think I just spotted you there, trying to say nothing while saying lots of things.

[ Cheerfully: ]

You would like to see someone's heart torn out of their chest and bleeding, huh?

( A warning, huh. Hiyori knows enough to warn about him? Or is it just all that he gets involved with, all that he finds out, reports back? Esikko is quiet, at first, studying Leo with a gaze that hopes to peel him open right then and there.

This feels almost familiar, even if it's so different, from his suit activated bodyguard cornering him. It's the accurate reading on him, the blunt call outs, but none of the distaste, none of the threat. Still, he's not sure if he's more excited or afraid, to be met with words like that. Something he can't really understand, either. )

...You are direct, aren't you? ( Honest, blunt. Things he's always looking for, himself, but never expects to actually meet. He covers his lips with a loose touch of his fingers, considering. )

Anyway, I think it would be more accurate to say that I already have.

( His eyes narrow slightly, in focus and thought, not emotion. )

Tenshi must be that "Eichi-kun" I've heard of.

Got it in one. The "Tenshi" is from Tenshouin, but it's also just fitting. Angels aren't all light and beauty, y'know. They're cruel and violent things that kill rather a lot, in the Bible. Shu said so.

[ He was curious about it - how much did Hiyori notice and think was the same, subconciously? He kept talking about the same kind of loneliness, and similar situations, and Leo wanted to know in the way his attention sometimes catches on this or that. ]

But if you've already done that, it's fine to tell you how I scared Hiyo. I told him that my suit never got that bad to worry about because I'd only ever gotten to the point of asking to be hurt here, not killed. I think I scared the hell out of him, even though I actually meant it to be comforting, 'cause he got way more frantic about introducing you to me after that.

[ The smile shifts to something softer. ]

Sometimes I mess up and scare the people who care about me. Do you do that?

( As someone who has already killed someone here who asked for him to, as someone who killed a second just to try and feel something— Esikko wonders how Hiyori would feel knowing the potentials he'd just set up. It's not as if he's some ruthless murderer, some psychopath who kills for no reason, right? There's always a reason. It's just that no one understands.

But someone who asks to be hurt, who feels at risk for asking to be killed, huh...

He hums, reaching out with his hand up as if to invite Leo to take it. If he does, he'll find his hand is unnaturally cold in temperature, but Esikko just means to lead them to somewhere they can sit. )

There aren't many people who care about me, so I'm not sure it's the same. I'm someone who might desperately try to create worry in those around me, and grow more desperate when I don't get it.

It's like the opposite side of a coin.

Where is your suit mark, by the way? Can you show me?

[ This was already an issue with Leo prior to anything, given every other Knights event he sets himself up to be a villain to be slain and they then refuse to do so and tell him to knock it off. He easily reaches out to take Esikko's hand, no hesitation.

There's places to sit. In this room, the living area with the kitchenette Leo barely uses for anything but coffee, there's some couches and a piano bench by the piano. There's a bedroom off a little hallway, and the bathroom, and his music studio where he spends about 99% of his time in his place. ]

The small of my back. You can see it if you wanna.

[ Leo doesn't have much if any shame about just about anything. ]

Hey, I don't think Hiyo gave you the warnings about me that he should have. Did he?

Let me see. Since I am here to check on you, after all. In exchange, I'll show you mine, though it's just on my arm.

( As much as he'd love to go straight to a bedroom, he picks one of the couches near the piano. Couches are comfortable, and he's heard he enjoys the piano, so it's nice to have near, right? He just needs to sit, or he'll get too tired.

That last question startles another laugh out of him, though, this one more breathy and quiet than his earlier ones. )

Warning, for you? What sort of warnings should I have expected? That you'd see through my icy eyes and somehow straight into my thorny heart?

I doubt there's anything that would trouble me.

[ Leo thinks that's probably wrong. The things that people should be warned about can be way too much for a lot of people, especially in a place like this. But then, does Hiyori see that stuff about him? He isn't sure. Even Rinne probably didn't because Leo knew well enough to not say some of the stuff that was true. ]

I'm too intense about a lot of things. [ It's the mildest, easiest way to put it. Leo doesn't usually bother to warn anyone, either, but he has just called Esikko out on a lot of stuff he apparently shouldn't have noticed from the last comment, even though he's always been far sharper than he likes to act half of the time.

Leo's a genius. He doesn't always act it. ]

I can't help it. I've broken precious things like that. The weight of my regard is way too crushing for a lot of people, even if it's only a sliver and I try to hide some of it. If I can hear a melody in something or someone I just wanna get as close as I can to listen, and I can't help but feel love.

[ He's pretty sure that part of him is sometimes painful to certain people, and he thinks, maybe, he should give one of them who might hate it a chance to run away. ]

Hey, Ikko. If you aren't careful, I'll crush you with my love, too. People might think they wanna be a muse the stars revolve around, but none of them realize just what that means.

[ It's the kind of love Shu would have understood. He's hurt his unit before, too. Leo straightens up from the way he'd been leaning in intently, tugging his shirt over his head easily so he can turn around. His suit is a chaotic mess, and darker than it should be, but then again Rinne has been gone a while and Leo has been working. ]

I wanna hear e~ver~y~thing. What's your voice sound like when you do this or that, what's it sound like when you're feeling or doing different things. I really really really wanna hear it. I've been told I don't see people as humans, like that, when there's someone I get that wrapped up in until my fingers fizzle and my head's all noisy with music.

Are you gonna get scared off?

Is it love, if you feel it so quickly? If you can feel it for everyone, is it even special?

( Esikko's words come out soft, with those questions, matched with the way he leans in to observe that suit mark. His fingers, still unnaturally cold, touch like ice cubes against his back, trailing up from the darkened mark purposefully. An intricate and lovely design, but still a spade. Coincidence, from his feelings earlier? Or no? )

I'm normally the one who scares others off, you know. ( When he gets obsessive. When he gets jealous, and possessive, and wants things just to have them, crushes things just to feel the sensation of it. His fingers end their trailing at Leo's shoulders, slipping away and freeing him to turn back around, if he wants.

Esikko is in a sweater, so rolling up the sleeves is too annoying. But he starts with the scarf, unwinding it and setting it aside on the arm of the couch to reveal the large TRANSGRESSOR mark now branded along the right half of his neck. )

I don't think I'm someone people can or should love. Perhaps you should focus on the here and the now, rather than the what-ifs of the future. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed, anyway.

( It's here that his sweater slips off so that he can show off the pink mark on his left shoulder, on the side. Pale, taken care of, and also intricately designed. Also out of place is a healed over scar on the upper left side of his chest, but aside from that, his skin is as flawless as can be. And cold. )

Here's mine. They almost match, don't they? In their own way.

I've been told that before, too, by a guy I can't get along with at all.

[ If you love like Leo does, does it matter? Leo knows he does feel things strongly, specially, but is that something he should ever say to people who don't get it?

Almost no one ever gets it. He turns around when that touch goes away, and then watches. ]

I told you. I'm a composer, and my first language is music. You have to love someone at least a little bit to write them a song. You have to look at them and see them as they are, the good and bad things, the beautiful and ugly. Sharp edges, smooth rounded corners - you can't ignore any of it. I've never understood anyone who could stare at someone's soul and not feel love, but then - that kind of person doesn't understand me either. Most people don't.

[ The brand on the neck is interesting. Leo reaches out to trace the letters. ]

It's still love. There's all different sorts. I love Hiyo and Nami as dear friends. I love Magi as something of a kindred spirit, but not quite. I love Knights like they're my own limbs in different bodies - I love Naru 'cause she's so intensely herself, and she calls me out whenever she feels like it. I love Rittsu because he's funny and irreverent and he plays the piano like I hear it in my head. I love Suo because he's so earnest and he believes in the best of all of us, like he can't see the corpses in the shadows. And I love Sena to my own destruction, and his, when he's cold as the moon and just as pretty.

[ He doesn't want to talk about Ruka right now. He doesn't like to talk about her anywhere near to something like this, his precious little sister. ]

There's people I love so deeply and so painfully that I can't get their impression out of my bones. "Can" and "should" don't matter. Today, tomorrow, time doesn't matter either.

[ He's the sort of person whose heart is never in his own chest. ]

What did you transgress upon?

( It sounds lovely, beautiful and fake, like one of those fairytales that good parents tell to their children. The sort of thing he's lived lifetimes without seeing, the sort of aura that Kirma thinks he gives off even when he's dripping with egoism. It's different here, he thinks, but he doesn't know this man at all, doesn't know if his words are just pretty poetry with convincing feeling behind them, like a play, or if he means it.

He finds himself hoping, more and more, in this place, that he could believe it. But then again, if that is true, if it is possible, then what would that mean for all the time up until now? He could have been loved, but he just wasn't?

There's a thin smile at the question, both proud and bothered by the mark. )

The House itself. It seems it doesn't take kindly to someone trying to carve a way home for those who want it.

( The interest in it is nice, almost as nice as the touch itself. Attention. His eyes slide to Leo, fingers curling into the sweater now in his lap. )

Let's make it a challenge then, why don't we? If you end up loving some part of me, then make me believe it. It's not as if I don't want to; it's not something difficult.

And in return, you can consider me someone who will open his arms to your intensity.

"For those who want it". You don't?

[ There's still open curiosity in Leo's gaze, but he won't care if he doesn't get an answer. He knows he ignores boundaries all the time and gets too close, and if someone smacks him away he'll go with it, verbally or otherwise. It's not any reason not to ask when he wants to know, when his fingertips start tapping out a rhythm on Esikko's neck because the only times Leo ever stops with music are when he's so badly gone down into his own darkness he can't even hear it.

He hasn't been like that in over a year. Not yet.

There should be a pause, waiting for an answer, but Leo just continues on blithely, his intent stare maybe just a little bit skeptical for a change. ]

I'm gonna take you up on that even if you regret it, you know.

( Esikko just looks amused, the more the threats come on. There's no way he's going to regret it— he can't imagine regretting it, if anything does come of it. With another breath of a laugh, he reaches up to catch those tapping fingers, not stopping them so much as redirecting them to his own fingertips. )

Do your worst. ( Playfully, he says this, and then rounds back on the earlier question, seemingly willing enough to share: ) No, I don't. There's nothing for me back there.

It's not that I want to stay here, either, of course. But there are plenty of other realms I might be able to sneak off to.

Hmmm. Then, if I win, I want a prize. ♪~♪~♪

[ He's redirected easily enough, fingertips to fingertips tapping away in motion because he can only stay so still for so long. The song at the edge of hearing, the one that starts with that amused look and a low voice he thinks he could compose to, is gradually coming together in the way that means he might get distracted by it soon.

Leo grins as he hums out the first snatch of it, brightening as he leans in. ]

If I fall in love with you, if you believe me, if you really can handle it - if if if. If all of that. If you don't wanna go there and don't wanna stay here, then I wanna keep you?

[ It's a bright, childish challenge. Entirely insane, of course, but Leo once saw Sena Izumi when they were first years and ignored every single denial he got until they were friends. ...and then they destroyed one another but they have since gotten better, don't think too hard about it.

Is he teasing or is he serious or is he both? He already gave Esikko a chance to run away, so now Leo has determined he can do whatever he wants, which means "whatever the fuck he thinks he's doing now".

He's always moved more on instinct and whimsy than logical planning. ]

( Now he's gone past just love, into falling in love with— and it's a distinction that has Esikko's chest clenching. What kind of person jumps at things like this? It's weird, of course, it's odd, he knows why anyone else would run away, right off the bat— but it feels... dangerous, is that the right word? His eyes follow the tapping of fingers, he listens to the humming that comes so easily, and he thinks of how he doesn't expect to live another year, another half year. How he's near certain he's in love with someone who won't feel the same, who's pointed their love elsewhere. How he'd chained himself into a time loop for far less— for someone he hated, just because he managed to make him obsessed with him.

Hm. )

...Sure. If, if, if.

( He repeats that playful little repetition, meeting their fingertips in the next taps that must be like the previous, he thinks— an attempted matching rhythm that he's trying not to think too hard about. Like the slight flush of his face at the idea of anyone even trying to talk like this. )

You're an odd one. But I can't deny you're charming.

( That energy. He leans subtly closer, eyes tracing from his hand to his face, to his neck. )

I wonder if we should start by taking care of that mark of yours.

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